Healed.

I have had the good fortune of having my whole world turn around. I am a Christian – that’s one thing I stand for. One day I was in church, and I heard the Pastor say that he promised God if He would heal him, he would do anything he asked…..and I was really sick at the time. I was supposed to be permanently disabled. I had been a popular girl in college and then I got really sick, I went home to my house and could barely move. I went to every service at church and when they called sick people to the altar, I went up every time. I went to two additional prayer groups a week and every time healing prayer was offered, I took it. I prayed almost constantly at home. I had accepted the fact that I would be ill, and my life would never be the same. Than, one day when I couldn’t take it anymore, I got on my knees and sincerely prayed the same prayer – “God, if you will heal me, I will do anything you ask,” and a short time later, I was at a prayer group where we broke up into small groups for personal prayer. I fell on the floor, and it felt like shock waves went through my head. I don’t know how long I was on the floor, but when I got up and went to the bathroom to fix up, a voice said to me “No more medicine”. I went to the doctor on August 27th, 1996 and gave back all of the bottles of medicine that weren’t working. The doctor called my Pastor, and it was all okay. I was scared, but not too long after had to get up and work full time, and I did. I haven’t been on disability for many years now, and the healing is real. I was never supposed to have a full life or be totally healthy ever again. I had a divine healing, and it was not only a blessing, but would make no sense to most people so I neglected to speak about it for many years, and did just about everything I felt God wanted since. I try to follow him in every way but like most believers, it’s not always easy to discern the right voice. It is loud and clear when it’s important, but he has not asked very much. I now feel like I am finally doing something I was supposed to for a while, which is return to college, but postponed because either I wasn’t ready or didn’t see how. I am so grateful to take this step, and now feel guided for the next after it. On a day to day basis I do have to live a life knowing I am only healthy due to a promise and remembering who I live for, which has been hard but mostly doable with all of the insane trials I go through. I am in it for the long hall.

There are alway…

There are always good things to be seen through things that would otherwise seem not so good. I have felt the most content at certain times with no idea why – it seems to follow a time when things are really hard, and they start letting up. I am a student right now at a University I chose directly out of high school over ten years ago. I kept taking off to explore the world or just did not want to stay, or thought there was some better road somewhere else, but for the past few years I have felt this overwhelming desire to finish college, and have it done so I can accomplish more. I am finally here now, moved away from my home town on Long Island, and although it is a great and commendable choice, I have seen a big change in what I used to love here…..I was the sorority pledge class social chair when I was here, I had a boyfriend that won lady killer at his fraternity formal, I walked into a place and lots of drunk fraternity guys yelled my name, I was KNOWN. I made every party, and had a great time in many ways. I came back here recently as an adult and although it’s still a huge party school, I no longer drink, so I have avoided those keg parties and bars where everyone partying is. On the one hand, I did great and much better than expected (glory to God) last semester, but on the other hand miss that type of a social life. I am at no lack for people asking me out and I am very thankful for that , but I don’t feel ready because when school and work stop, I either have work to do or need to rest or catch up. I wondered how I did it when I was younger, but I was YOUNGER and had so much energy! I need my rest now haha. I like to believe I am still in my twenties, but I just don’t keep the pace I used to. I waited years to mellow out from being extremely restless, so I can definitely be thankful. I used to have to go somewhere constantly, and God forbid I miss something! Now, I am glad to rest or do schoolwork on a Friday night by choice. I guess that, although kind of funny to me because I have never been that type of person, feel great about that. I like being able to stay in and not having to feel I always have to be doing something. When I first moved back here, I was out a lot, but am realizing that doesn’t really make me happy anymore. I like it when it’s warm out, love to eat out and see live music. I love to visit restaurants, and am a crazy shopper. I love name brands and shoes. I have a lot of good things from better times when the economy was better and I was in banking, but now I really can’t buy $155 jeans anymore! I did buy some good boots, as most of my shoes were all heels when I got here and it is not as easy to run around the area and go to class in heels although I did it a lot last semester. I got some flat tall boots this semester and a couple of pairs of Uggs to brave the cold. The winters up here can be brutal but it turned out to be a nice winter. I definitely made use of the boots though, I just feel really short in flats and walk better in heels. They just seem impractical for now. I’ll be back to a professional life soon enough, and I only have one semester to go after this one. I am so excited. I finally did this after a long time of wanting to. It’s such a gift to be able to pick up and move here to do so. God is so faithful to make it possible. I dated someone here over the summer but we stopped dating and then I got way too busy. I hope to start dating again soon, as soon as I feel ready. The people up here are very different from where I am from. I am used to very well done, always well dressed very clean cut people. The locals here, although it’s the state capital, look and talk very different than I am used to. I wonder if it would be a good idea to tie myself to someone up here and have to move here permanently.I guess if it were in love I would, but I prefer Long Island. I love all the well to do people dressed in all the good name brands. It’s how I grew up and I enjoy it. Nothing else feels like home but that, as silly as it sounds. I like new cars, nice homes, being able to walk through a good neighborhood at 2am if I wanted to, and not to worry. There are certain things that feel like home and those are some. The good thing is that I can endure and adapt to a neighborhood where there were 2 assaults in broad daylight a few minutes from where I live in the past few months. I am in the city, nothing like NYC that I used to work in which was 25 minutes from me, but still there is a good amount of crime here. It’s the state capital, but it’s very small town and the whole vibe is very different. I like that there is always something to do if you want to. It’s very artsy and the people are very creative, but just, again, real different than what I’m used to. They talk to you on the street…..stop for you when you cross the street….are super nice in the stores and places like Starbucks…..I remember in the first few weeks I moved here, it wierded me out that the cashiers in stores would talk to you. It was like culture shock. Especially in the DMV. It was a little freaky at first, when you are not used to it. I am still not used to it. I work in one of the state buildings, and the people still freak me out a little, the way they speak and dress. I am in the same state which makes it so funny that the people feel so alien to me. I am just used to LI, and that’s my home. I’m from a neighborhood where people are all minding their own business who are politely discrete and in a hurry often. People here get upset if you don’t acknowledge them; at home you don’t want to upset people by bothering them as they carry out their business. I think I’ve offended some, but I guess I just do what I’m used to. If they take offense to me minding my own business and doing what I have to, I hope they see that I’m a nice person and it’s not personal……

First Blog Post

Well, here it goes… my new beginning into the blogosphere. I am always writing. I use up a lot of notebooks, and lose them. Then, I wish I could look back, so I think this is a better way to make sure I don’t lose my writings!

I hope people want to read my stuff, too. Very few ever read what I write, but on the few rare occasions that they have, they have complimented and encouraged me to write, so I feel good about doing this. I have had many strange and different situations happen in my life that I have had very few friends or anyone at all relate to. I hope to use these experiences to help other people daily on here, and give them the chance to gain strength from the things that have happened to me, and my experiences. I believe once you overcome something, you can help others and are a resource to them. I hope to be just that. I want every hard, different or difficult thing I have had to go through, and there have been many, to be used to help someone who needs to hear that either they are not alone, or there is a way to get through it. This way, there is a purpose to any hardship I have endured, and I have a forum to ‘give back’, as many have helped me through with their stories or care.

I am a very real person, very genuine and sincere. I did opt, however, to use a ‘pen name’ here, because I would not like the general public to hear such in-depth personal things as I will be writing here, as it could hurt me if someone wanted to use it for the wrong reason. So, my name is the only thing that is not genuine here. Everything else will be gut level honest, for the sake of others.

Thanks for stopping in to check me out. I am a single female, who was born Jewish, or so I thought. I found out many years later, when speaking to my mother about the decision to get baptized, that I was really 3/4 Jewish. It turns out that due to an adoption, one of my parents was half Jewish, and I guess that was why I never felt right. At the point I made a decision to be baptized, I knew I had found something I had been looking for my whole life. I knew there was a missing piece, and it finally made sense once I found it. I was in college at the time, and I knew I was coming to find out more about a faith I had never had and realized I always wanted. It was a good time, but a hard time, because Jesus was something I was told to spit on as a kid. I had no religion, had learned some tradition, but had no faith in a God. I was very lucky to have several Jewish people in my church who had come to believe as I did, and therefore wasn’t alone. My Pastor was half Jewish, and he made a lot of sense. He was one of the first people to make any sense of faith to me in years. I still enjoy listening to him today, as his sermons are now put up on the internet and Itunes.

I was an empty kid searching for love and peace. I felt different from other kids, and yet still had many acquaintences and friends. I was somewhat popular, as I was asked into a popular girls sorority in high school, and was Vice President my freshman year. I was a very good student, but never wanted to be in class. I did do well as far as my grades, but skipped a lot of classes that had to be made up in alternate ways. I did graduate along with my class, but was not really prepared for college, except for the fact that I wanted to party, and that I did. Miraculously I did okay first semester, and pledged a sorority second semester. I was very involved in the social aspects of school, was at every party, didn’t do much work, and still kept up…..or at least passed, even if I had to take tests after the fact becase my attendance was not so good.

I had a whole lot of fun at college and made some great memories, however through those times I was plagued with the emptiness of needing a close family and peace. I knew something was missing. I had nice clothes, fun friends, and good times, but my soul would ache for something that caused me to feel I was always searching, and I didn’t know what for.